Lead Me, Guide Me, Walk Beside Me

Tomorrow will be the second consecutive Sunday that our family of four will have been to church.

It’s all so strange…  Personally, I do consider myself to be ‘partially religious’.  I do believe in God, but I couldn’t really care.  I am, if you like, agnostic.  I used to have faith.  I used to regularly go to church as a child, and as a teenager.  When I was in my early twenties, something just snapped inside of me.  I don’t know what it was, or what had caused it, but I was on the verge of breaking.

I can remember driving around one Christmas Eve, looking for a Christmas Carol service.  I must have driven past five or six churches, and looked at their notice boards.  All of them stated that the Carol service had been previously held.  There was not even a special “midnight service” to thank God for the life of Jesus.  It was at that point, as I finally pulled the car over and cried, that I knew I had lost my Faith.

It’s terrible to say, and I have only ever told one person about this before (hubby dearest).  He has never judged me.  For he is an agnostic too.

Several years ago, hubby had proposed, and we were planning a wedding…  I had considered enquiring in a beautiful church in my local village, as my parents and my grandparents (on my fathers side) were married there.  But I never considered myself religious, so I thought a church wedding could be audacious.  My Faith had started to slowly rebuild before the proposal, but I still felt that I needed to regain Gods’ trust, so I let the idea slip completely, thinking that maybe one day in the future, on an anniversary, that we may ask for a marriage Blessing in church.

Gning was Baptised on 1 April 2012.  I can remember everything perfectly about the day, and indeed the lead up to the event.  It was a beautiful day – the sun was shining; everyone dressed up beautifully; and Gning was the last of 3 babies on that day to be Baptised, and welcomed in to the church.  It certainly was a joyous event, and I was – and still am – so happy that we made the decision to have him Baptised.

When Donut arrived, I was eager to get the date booked to have him Baptised, so I could thank God for the life of a second child.  We enquired with the church where Gning was Blessed, only to be told that they are fully booked until March 2016.  Personally, I think they are not fully booked at all, and that they are just trying to put us off booking there, but that’s a story for another time; and I was just not prepared to wait.

Last week the four of us took a trip to beautiful St Michael’s church in the village.  It was a lovely service – lots of families and children, and Gning enjoyed the Superhero theme.  After the service, we had a chat with one of the church wardens about getting Donut Baptised there, and they said that they would be honoured to welcome him in to the church there.

This now brings us full circle…  We have to attend the church every Sunday on the lead up to the Baptism.  This will integrate us in to the church community, and will show the vicar (is that the right word now-a-days?  I’m still so new to all this…) that we are serious about wanting Donut to be an active member of the church.  It’s definitely different.  I never thought that in my mid-thirties that I would be joining a church, and being an active church-goer.  To be honest though, I love the idea.  It’s helping with my Faith even more, ensuring we spend time together as a family – doing something because we want to, rather than because we feel we have to, giving us a purpose to get up of a Sunday, and giving structure to our lives.  It’s funny how one little tiny thing can change your life forever, and I thank God for that.

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