Dear 3 year old. You’re making the baby cry.

Dear sweet, precious 3 year old of mine,

I know that you love your baby brother so much that you want to squeeze him, but he doesn’t like having all his insides shoved into his chest.

I know that you have this weird ear fetish right now, and you think that other people like having their ears pinched together. But no one likes that.

I know you were only trying to give the baby a drink of water because you thought he was thirsty. But I’m sure you know that his mouth is not on top of his head, and now he’s soaking wet.

I know you were just chasing Daleks on your stick horse, but you trampled the baby and smacked him in the face in the process.

I know you were just trying to help him stand up because you wanted him to walk, but his legs aren’t strong enough yet, and neither are you, based on how you dropped him.

I know you were just trying to give him a hug, but you knocked him down sumo-style instead.

I know you were trying to help feed the baby, but onion skins are not for eating and, as it turns out, get stuck to the roof of one’s mouth – and you know, sweetheart, he only has milk.

I know you just wanted to cuddle, but when you climbed in his crib and fell on him, you scared him shitless.

I know you were just copying MmyMmy and pretending to eat his chubby thigh. But when MmyMmy does it, she doesn’t use her teeth.

I know you wanted to teach the baby how to catch, but now he has a black eye.

I know you still don’t grasp that pinching people hurts them. But it does.

I know you really wanted to play with the baby’s toy even though you have 100 of your own, but dammit, he had it first.

I know you were only trying to get him dressed, but you have to undo the buttons before trying to ram his head through it.

I know you were just trying to give the baby a treat, but he’s too young for chocolate. Now I’m the bad guy who took it away and there is chocolate EVERYWHERE.

I know that you just wanted to play hide and seek and thought that the best place for him to hide would be underneath a blanket, but he hated that.

I know you told him to run before you shot the arrow at him, but he can’t even crawl yet.

In conclusion, my dear, sweet little angel of a toddler: I know that you love your baby, and are confused as to why he starts crying when he hears your angelic, screaming voice coming his way, but for the love of God LEAVE THE BABY ALONE!

Because you’re making the baby cry.

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