10 ways that newborns are evil…

Sure, you love them, but babies are evil.  I can prove it too…  Just read the list below, and if you don’t agree, then please comment with your argument 😉  Alternatively, give me a big thumbs up if I have helped you to see the light.

1.  Newborns sleep all day and drink your bodily fluids.  So do vampires.

2.  Poop that looks like soft foods?  Thanks for ruining mustard, pudding, and hummus.

3.  During the daytime, everyone will touch your baby with their nose-picking fingers.  Your baby will wait until 3am to Linda Blair all over you, and your bed…  Until then, you’ve never had a reason to change your bedding at stupid o’clock.

4.  The only thing as scary as the sound of a crying newborn is Nickelback.

5.  You are so beautiful that a man wanted to procreate with you, or you are so financially stable that you could adopt a baby.  Caring for that baby will make you ugly and broke.  Babies love a cruel joke.

6.  Colic.

7.  Only debauched people eat and poop at the same time.

8.  Humans need sleep, your baby doesn’t.  Logic dictates that your baby is an alien.

9.  Newborn fingernails are the inspiration behind Freddie Kruger.

10.  Babies need constant care and attention.  If that fails call an exorcist.

Don’t forget to get your own back though…  Remember to sleep when they sleep.  They hate that.

Any thoughts?

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