43 problems every curvy girl has faced at least once in their life

1. “One size fits all” isn’t a game you can even think of playing.

2. You’re no stranger to walking out of a store because they don’t carry anything above a size 12.

3. And you know not to bother with sales because the largest size that’s ever in stock is an M.

4. Strapless bras are just a no-go zone for you.

5. Plus, all the bras that are comfortable and offer that perfect support cost an arm and a leg.

6. Actually, no. All clothes are more expensive than anything “normal” sized.

7. You have to try EVERYTHING on before you buy it.

8. Which really makes online shopping a chore because you never know what your size is.

9. Especially because all stores think people looking for plus-size clothing just want to look like a shapeless sack.

10. And forget about even thinking about getting jeans online.

11. You really can’t go to a cheap market or a random eBay seller because you already know nothing will fit you.

12. Damn, most of the time you have to tie your clothes up to fit your body the right way.

13. All your belt loops are broken from you constantly trying to pull your jeans up.

14. And your pants always rip on your inner thighs because of them always rubbing together.

15. Not to mention all the little balls of fabric that build up there too.

16. But even worse than that? The painful chub rub you get when you wear dresses or skirts.

17. You’re constantly buying baby powder to combat all the chafing.

18. But when you do chafe, you’re forced to wear pants for at least a few weeks.

19. Your pants fit perfectly around your booty and thighs but are always baggy down near your ankles.

20. Or are massive around your waist and give you major butt gap.

21. And jeans that actually fit well everywhere are usually two metres too long on you.

22. Most jeans you own are in that shitty stretchy material, so you always get a bad case of saggy butt syndrome.

23. Any time you wear jeans with holes, you’re left looking like a wrapped leg of lamb with marks everywhere.

24. Button-up shirts always pop open as you walk. Or sit. Or breathe. Or exist, really.

25. You’re constantly pulling dresses out of your ass crack.

26. In the summer, cute lil’ shorts really just look like underwear on you.

27. And whenever you walk with shorts on you have to constantly pull them out of your thighs because they really love to bunch up.

28. Actually…any tight clothing loves to creep up.

29. Skirts and dresses never sit the same at the front as they do in the back, thanks to your booty.

30. You have to stay away from any tops or pants with text on them because they warp out of control.

31. Fabric at the seams of all your pants and shorts always pull and go see-through from the strain.

32. And if you’re sitting in the middle of anything, you feel like your entire, kinda see-through ass is in everyone’s lap as you get up to leave.

33. Every time a song references anything about bass or booty, all eyes are on you.

34. When you work out, your boobs and ass get so damn sweaty.

35. To the point where you’re always afraid of leaving ass sweat marks on the ground when you stand up.

36. You have to hold your boobs as you run so you don’t knock yourself out.

37. And you don’t need anyone else to clap for you as you run because your thighs gladly do it for you.

38. A lot of swimwear either cuts into your hips or slides right off them.

39. So you’re usually forced to buy mismatched tops and bottoms for that perfect fit.

40. Normal clothes like a plain t-shirt or vest top are deemed “too sexy” when they they’re on your body.

41. Which means everything casual you own is no longer work-appropriate. Even if it’s just a T-shirt and jeans.

42. You have to deal with people thinking they’re complimenting you by saying they “love a girl who’s not afraid to eat”.

43. And worst of all, people try to offend you by calling you fat, like it’s anything more than a word…

 

 


Credit for this post goes to Buzzfeed – 43 problems every curvy girl has faced at least once in their life

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“Choo choo”

I just got home from work, and needed a wee, so – as you do, I popped to the bathroom, and shut the door behind me.

Next thing you know, the door opens, and a certain 1 year old joins me.  He then insisted that I couldn’t move until I read a book to him…

So, what should have been a 60 second affair turned in to 10 minutes of sitting on the toilet, pants around ankles, with a child on my knee, whilst reading about a little blue train that goes “Choo choo”.

The joys of parenthood.

Car conversations with my 4 yr old

Conversation in the car between my 4 year old and I, last night:

Gning: “You look like a Numtum”
Me: “Well, you are a Numtum”
Gning: “Well, you’re a tumnum”
Me: “Well, you’re smelly”
Gning: “Well, you’re Mr. Maker”
Me: “I’m not Mr. Maker, I’m Mrs. Maker. I make best things in the world anyway. Do you know why?”
Gning: “Why?”
Me: “Because I made you and your brother”.

Expecting silence from this point, but no. Gning always has to have the last word…

Gning: “You didn’t make me and (my brother) – God did.”

’nuff said.

Cucumber toes

Donut enjoyed a wonderful bath whilst the Gning had a nap.  On awaking, Gning went to kiss Donuts’ feet…

“They smell like cucumbers…” he said.

I laughed, and asked “how can they smell like cucumber?  He’s just had a bath!”

Gning replied, “his toes are like cucumbers.  They’re really long…  He has cucumber toes.”

You couldn’t make it up.

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                                “I have cucumber toes?”

I need to tell you something… You smell.

New mummies, don’t get mad at me, but I’m about to say some things that might be a little hard to hear. Just listen. I’m coming from a place of no judgment. I’m coming from a place of love. I’m saying these things because you need to hear them and because I care about you and because your friends can’t tell you because you’re a crazy person right now…  Believe me.  I know all of this, because I’ve been there.  Twice.

5 Things New Mummies Need to Hear:

1. You need to put the Internet away for a at least the first month. Your baby doesn’t have that rare illness that you’re reading about. You don’t need to read that story about the mum dropping her baby, or forgetting it somewhere, or a random cat breaking into the house and eating the infant. You don’t need to ask Facebook what formula, or nappies, or sleep training method is right. People have been having babies for a *couple* of years without the Internet, and it seemed to work out just fine. Phone a friend.  Phone your mum.  Because, generally speaking, people on the Internet are arseholes.

2. No, we won’t vote for your baby. Your baby is absolutely the most precious little thing on the planet. We get it, but no one is going to vote for them for the cutest baby contest – even if it does mean you could win a all expenses paid trip around the world for two. Send the link to your parents and if they can figure out how to actually vote, you’re set, because they were the only people who were going to vote anyway. You’ve just saved yourself a tiny little shred of embarrassment. You’re welcome.

3. Sweetie, you stink.  I’m sorry, but if you think that you stink, it’s more than likely because you do.  It’s true.  I’m going to blame it on the hormones, or maybe it’s stress sweat, or maybe it’s because you haven’t showered in days, but you smell a little ripe.  Take a few minutes for yourself and go take a shower.  Please.

4. If you’re feeling crazy, it’s because you are. You’re supposed to be a little crazy right now. You’re probably a little nervous, excited, scared, and exhausted, and you have hormones bouncing around like ping-pong balls. It’s ok.  Honestly.  Just focus on that little model baby of yours and cry in the privacy of your own shower.

5. You’re doing great and you WILL feel normal again one day…  Not today, but one day.  I still quite often look at people whilst I’m out and about, and thinking “LOOK AT THEM! Walking around all normal! Will I ever walk around like a normal person with normal thoughts? Will I ever enjoy a glass of wine again? (Not that I drink anyway, but…)  Will I ever sleep, like REALLY sleep, and not just sort of drift?” It all happens. You sleep. You drink. You walk. You find a new normal-ish…  Just not today, but it will happen. I promise.

Dear 3 year old. You’re making the baby cry.

Dear sweet, precious 3 year old of mine,

I know that you love your baby brother so much that you want to squeeze him, but he doesn’t like having all his insides shoved into his chest.

I know that you have this weird ear fetish right now, and you think that other people like having their ears pinched together. But no one likes that.

I know you were only trying to give the baby a drink of water because you thought he was thirsty. But I’m sure you know that his mouth is not on top of his head, and now he’s soaking wet.

I know you were just chasing Daleks on your stick horse, but you trampled the baby and smacked him in the face in the process.

I know you were just trying to help him stand up because you wanted him to walk, but his legs aren’t strong enough yet, and neither are you, based on how you dropped him.

I know you were just trying to give him a hug, but you knocked him down sumo-style instead.

I know you were trying to help feed the baby, but onion skins are not for eating and, as it turns out, get stuck to the roof of one’s mouth – and you know, sweetheart, he only has milk.

I know you just wanted to cuddle, but when you climbed in his crib and fell on him, you scared him shitless.

I know you were just copying MmyMmy and pretending to eat his chubby thigh. But when MmyMmy does it, she doesn’t use her teeth.

I know you wanted to teach the baby how to catch, but now he has a black eye.

I know you still don’t grasp that pinching people hurts them. But it does.

I know you really wanted to play with the baby’s toy even though you have 100 of your own, but dammit, he had it first.

I know you were only trying to get him dressed, but you have to undo the buttons before trying to ram his head through it.

I know you were just trying to give the baby a treat, but he’s too young for chocolate. Now I’m the bad guy who took it away and there is chocolate EVERYWHERE.

I know that you just wanted to play hide and seek and thought that the best place for him to hide would be underneath a blanket, but he hated that.

I know you told him to run before you shot the arrow at him, but he can’t even crawl yet.

In conclusion, my dear, sweet little angel of a toddler: I know that you love your baby, and are confused as to why he starts crying when he hears your angelic, screaming voice coming his way, but for the love of God LEAVE THE BABY ALONE!

Because you’re making the baby cry.

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