Dear soon-to-be Mum of two

Dear soon-to-be Mummy of two,

I don’t know you. But I feel like I do.

I used to be you.

And I was terrified.

I thought of you today. I don’t know your name, and I don’t know what you look like. But I still thought of you. I wondered if you were holding your breath as you waited for the home pregnancy test to deliver your fate, not sure if you should be thrilled or petrified. I wondered if you are finding it hard to chase after your toddler because you are so exhausted from the constant morning all-the-time sickness. I wondered if you were crying over your child’s bed tonight, trying to figure out why you ever thought it would be a good idea to “try again”. I wondered if you looked down at your swollen belly with guilt, thinking, “How could I POSSIBLY love you as much as I love my firstborn?” I wondered if you looked at your firstborn with guilt, thinking, “How could I have done this to you?”

I thought of you … because I WAS you.

And I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that it’s going to be OK.

Because it is.

I wish I could tell you that from the moment your second child enters your life, you will feel strong and confident, and that that feeling will never go away… But I can’t.

I also wish I could tell you it was going to be easy…  But I can’t.

Because it isn’t.

Tough times are ahead of you. You’ll have moments when you’re trying to feed a hungry baby and cajole a grumpy toddler onto the potty seat and you’ll wish you had three extra hands, a second brain (or even just a single not-so-sleep-deprived one), and a carton of ice cream that no one expects you to share. You’ll likely leave at least one restaurant in tears, vowing that you’ll never again take your children out in public. You’re going to spend a lot of time breaking up arguments (and/or perfecting the art of tuning them out). You’ll wonder if you’re going to be able to sleep again, or shower in peace again, or carry on a thoughtful conversation again. For a while, you’re going to be wiped out.

I can’t tell you it’s going to be easy.

But I can tell you this:

I can tell you that one day your younger child will be trying to tell you a story but will leave out a crucial detail. And that, confused, you’ll turn to your older child, who will be able to effortlessly bring you up to speed. And then your world will stop spinning in one breathless moment as you realize that those two…  They complete each other.

I can tell you what I wish I could tell myself. That breathless moment? It will come. And it will make it all worth it.

That’s what you need to know, Mummy. Today, you worry about what your pregnancy is taking away from your precious only child. You worry because you’re too sick to cook wholesome dinners. You worry because you’re too tired to go to the park. You worry because trips to the library are being replaced with Netflix binge sessions as you collapse, exhausted, on the couch. You worry and you worry and you worry, because that’s what we do as parents. We worry.

But today, worry a little less.

This season of life…  It’s just a season. And everything that you’re “taking away” from your child will be returned tenfold. One day you’ll wake up and find your kids playing together. You’ll walk into the room and they won’t even notice you’re there because they’re too busy having fun together. They’ll be giggling and building and discussing and making memories.

That won’t be every moment of the day. It probably won’t even be most moments of the day.

But these moments will come. And they will make it all worth it.

So hang in there, Mummy. Be brave. Worry a little less.

Because life is about to get so much better.

29 weeks and counting…

Can you believe that I am now 29 weeks?!  I know!!  I’ve been wondering where the time has gone myself.

Oh yes…  Before I continue; here’s an updated pic of me…

Bump and Me

Tuesday was a rather busy day for us…  First thing in the morning was the first of my “growth scans”.  Everything looks good.  The sonographer commented that he (baby) is a perfect size, looks nice and healthy, but has a “big belly”.  Taking after me already then.  Immediately after the ultrasound was an antenatal check with my consultant.  She’s happy with my progress, and stated that she will be able to “pencil me in” for my section during my next appointment (which will be 32 weeks).  I’m rather excited to say that I’ll have a prospective date for when my little man will be joining us.

That wasn’t all…  Immediately following the antenatal clinic, I had to give my bloods to check for any abnormalities.  This morning, I got a letter stating that I am anaemic.  I need to increase the amount of iron in my diet as a matter of urgency – I have also been advised in this letter that I should get a prescription from my doctor for iron tablets.  Something else for me to add to my current list of ailments.

Going back to Tuesday though, we headed home after the hospital, for an hours ‘rest’ before having to go out again.

Tuesday afternoon, we went to a shop called “Hello Baby”.  This is a specialist shop, offering 3d and 4d private scans.  I honestly think that this visit was number 7 for us…  Hubby and I decided that Tuesday would be the final one though.  All other attempts on trying to see our little mans’ face were unsuccessful.  He had his face firmly buried in to my placenta, so was determined that we were not going to see how beautiful he was until his birth day.

Not so though.  He was in a perfect position, and we got to see his face…



The above, Insanely Normal followers, is going to be the latest addition to our household.  So exciting.

Just to top Tuesday off (as if all the above wasn’t enough), I had an appointment to see the Nurse Practitioner in my local surgery for a Whooping Cough vaccination.  Meh.

Oh, what I didn’t mention is that a few weeks ago, I went to see a specialist physiotherapist, who stated that I am suffering with pregnancy-related Pelvic Girdle Pain (PRPGP).  This basically means that all the bones in my hip and pelvic area have separated slightly to adjust for the pregnancy, but the bones are not as supple as a “textbook pregnancy”.  Hmph!  Unfortunately for me, I can barely make it around Asda for my weekly shop without having to stop halfway around the shop to have a “breather”.  It’s actually so I can rest, and give my bones a slight chance to catch up with the rest of me, lol.

Anyway, as far as I am concerned, as well as upping the iron in my diet; increasing the amount that I drink (apparently I am dehydrating myself too); having to keep an eye on my sugar intake (gestational diabetes); and having to check my blood sugars five times a day; I think I’m done for now.  If anything else crops up in the mean-time, I think I’m just going to scream!!  Ha ha.

I cannot see my toes any more…

It’s official, ladies and gentlemen.  I am over halfway through my pregnancy.  Today, I am 20 +3 weeks.  My estimated due date still stands at 13 June 2015.

I use the term “estimated” loosely in this sentence, as I have had somewhat of a difficult pregnancy, and with my consultant basically telling me that although I could try for a natural birth, the odds of a successful one are only at 65%.  Therefore, I have been told that they strongly recommend an elected c-section.

The nausea started at just 6 weeks.  I suffered morning, noon and night.  I practically felt that I was always in the bathroom…  Even at work.

My employers had referred me to occupational health, due to other matters, I explained that I was suffering the sickness, and I was told by the consultant over the phone that I shouldn’t be in work.  They recommended that I was to leave work immediately, and that it would be in my best interests not to return for the remainder of the pregnancy.

You see, I am a high risk pregnancy.

When I had Mr. Gning, I had gestational diabetes, but it was caught too late in the pregnancy to do anything about it.  Because of this, I went in for a sweep; which was unsuccessful; then I went in to hospital to be induced.  I would love to say that it didn’t work, but within and hour of the midwife applying the gel, my waters had burst, and I was in labour.  37 and a half hours later, I was constantly losing consciousness.  I had been told that I needed an emergency section.

The gestational diabetes had given me a beautiful, “squish faced” baby boy, weighing in at a wonderful 10lb 8oz.

Now I have a whole list of problems which categorises me as high risk.  The previous gestational diabetes is one of them – In the January, after my son was born, I had to go for a loop incision for CIN3 treatment, after abnormal results came back from my smear test.  That is another factor.  A third is my BMI (Body Mass Index).  Let’s just say that I am a “bonnie lass”.  Cuddly, and certainly not bony.  Fourth is that I had to have an emergency section.  Fifth is that I suffer mental health issues – depression and anxiety.  It has been established that this was caused through the midwives, consultants and health visitors missing the signs of a late onset of post-natal depression.  It hit me hard.

For the past couple of months, I have been suffering from “funny turns”, where my temperature would suddenly soar; I would instantly begin to sweat; dizziness would take over me; and my legs would wobble.  The only way for me to bring myself back to reality would be for me to go outside in the cold (bear in mind that I live in England), and to practically strip off whilst downing a full bottle of something fizzy (primarily Lucozade).

After mentioning this to the midwife, she called the hospital to bring my GTT (glucose tolerance test) forward.  So, I went to get my bloods done, 11 weeks earlier than in a normal pregnancy.

Last week I get a letter through my door, confirming that I do have gestational diabetes.  I’ve been back to the clinic once already for a blood drop test, and I’m due to go to the clinic again tomorrow to get all of the items I need to keep a check on my blood sugar levels; and to be educated in what I can and can’t eat.  Should be fun.

Anyway, I am 20 weeks pregnant.

A couple of weeks ago, we went for one of those 3d/4d scans.  It was brilliant…  The sonographer confirmed with me that we did want to find out the sex of the baby.  Hubby and I are way too nosy, so obviously we said yes.  Well, that and neither of us like surprises.

Within 30 seconds of lying on the couch, the lady confirmed that we are having a boy, and she immediately played the heartbeat to us.


If you look closely, you can see his eyes, nose, his smile…  And his hand that started rubbing his eyes.  He’s such a sleepy little man.

I love my bump.  I love showing it off in snug (ish) tshirts and dresses; although because of the size of me anyway, I will never have the beautiful “beach ball”, rounded bump.  As darling hubby (I use the term darling loosely there 😉 Ha ha) said to me last night, “you have a lumpy bump”.  (NOT IMPRESSED DARLING HUBBY *grimace*).  I don’t care…  This bump is mine.

On Friday, I was convinced that I started to feel him kick.  Saturday night came and I thought the same…  Sunday night I was lying on the settee, and I watched as my belly moved, and jolted.  Last night was exactly the same…  I absolutely love this feeling, and the kicks are only going to get stronger.

The thing that I find with him though, is that whenever a hand (mine, hubby’s, Gnings or my mums) is placed where the kick was, baby stops kicking.  It’s like he’s kicking to get the attention for us to actually put our hands there.  Hubby said that he might be doing it as a form of comfort.  Possibly.

But as the title of this post says…  On standing, I can definitely, no longer see my toes any more.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot…

This is the final post of 2014.  For after this, I shall never make another post again this year.

2014 has been a mixed bag of emotions.  There have been ups and downs, laughs and tears, good and bad news…  Much the same as every year.

There have been a lot of ‘firsts’ in the household…  Gningy started “school” (nursery).  Hubby has been working full time since May (first time in a long time…  Jobs are just so difficult to get here).  I found out that I was expecting ‘Donut’.  Gningy, hubby and I took our first family holiday abroad.

Hmmm…  The year has been rather uneventful, other than the above.

Anyway, tonight I shall be raising a glass (of non-alcoholic substance) to 2014, and I shall raise it again to welcome 2015.

So long, 2014.  It’s been…  Interesting.