I need to tell you something… You smell.

New mummies, don’t get mad at me, but I’m about to say some things that might be a little hard to hear. Just listen. I’m coming from a place of no judgment. I’m coming from a place of love. I’m saying these things because you need to hear them and because I care about you and because your friends can’t tell you because you’re a crazy person right now…  Believe me.  I know all of this, because I’ve been there.  Twice.

5 Things New Mummies Need to Hear:

1. You need to put the Internet away for a at least the first month. Your baby doesn’t have that rare illness that you’re reading about. You don’t need to read that story about the mum dropping her baby, or forgetting it somewhere, or a random cat breaking into the house and eating the infant. You don’t need to ask Facebook what formula, or nappies, or sleep training method is right. People have been having babies for a *couple* of years without the Internet, and it seemed to work out just fine. Phone a friend.  Phone your mum.  Because, generally speaking, people on the Internet are arseholes.

2. No, we won’t vote for your baby. Your baby is absolutely the most precious little thing on the planet. We get it, but no one is going to vote for them for the cutest baby contest – even if it does mean you could win a all expenses paid trip around the world for two. Send the link to your parents and if they can figure out how to actually vote, you’re set, because they were the only people who were going to vote anyway. You’ve just saved yourself a tiny little shred of embarrassment. You’re welcome.

3. Sweetie, you stink.  I’m sorry, but if you think that you stink, it’s more than likely because you do.  It’s true.  I’m going to blame it on the hormones, or maybe it’s stress sweat, or maybe it’s because you haven’t showered in days, but you smell a little ripe.  Take a few minutes for yourself and go take a shower.  Please.

4. If you’re feeling crazy, it’s because you are. You’re supposed to be a little crazy right now. You’re probably a little nervous, excited, scared, and exhausted, and you have hormones bouncing around like ping-pong balls. It’s ok.  Honestly.  Just focus on that little model baby of yours and cry in the privacy of your own shower.

5. You’re doing great and you WILL feel normal again one day…  Not today, but one day.  I still quite often look at people whilst I’m out and about, and thinking “LOOK AT THEM! Walking around all normal! Will I ever walk around like a normal person with normal thoughts? Will I ever enjoy a glass of wine again? (Not that I drink anyway, but…)  Will I ever sleep, like REALLY sleep, and not just sort of drift?” It all happens. You sleep. You drink. You walk. You find a new normal-ish…  Just not today, but it will happen. I promise.

20 Uses for Coca-Cola (other than drinking it!)

One of the ingredients in Coke is sodium bicarbonate, or baking soda, which is an alkaline substance that can help take care of your body and clean your belongings. Here are 20 new ways to look at the drink.

Rust Buster

Soak rusted material in Coke overnight and scrub in the morning. The rust will weaken and come off more easily, fading t0 a shine.

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Window Cleaner

Wipe down windows with Coke to remove grease and dirt without overusing chemical and toxin-ridden household cleaners.

Bolt Loosener

Because Coke is so useful in dissolving rust, it can help to loosen bolts that have rusted into a position that makes it nearly impossible to remove.

Meat Caramelizer

Marinade chicken or beef in Coke along with spices and other condiments. The Coke will give the meat a browned appearance, and when cooked, the sugar from the Coke will caramelize and offer the dish an added depth in taste.

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Windshield Defroster

Awaken to a cold Winter’s morning with a layer of ice on your windshield? Save yourself the extra morning-time muscle and pour a bottle of Coke over the windshield. Wait a few minutes and then witness how much more easily the ice comes off when scraped.

Skunk Odor Killer

If you are ever in the unfortunate position of having been sprayed by a skunk, hop into the shower with a bottle of Coke and pour the soda over the sprayed area. The Coke helps to eliminate the odor.

Hiccups Ridder

Gargle a mouthful of Coke in the back of your throat, and word on the street is that your hiccups will disappear.

Hair Curler

Gaga was onto something when she used Coca-Cola cans as curlers. Massaging the beverage into your hair can also help to curl it. While it dries, crunch your hair with your hands to help facilitate the process.

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Pain Reducer

Stung by a bee? Bitten by a mosquito? Attacked by a jelly fish? Nothing Coke can’t relieve. Dab affected area with the beverage to relieve the burn.

Hair Gum Remover

There can never be enough ways to remove gum from the hair, because let’s face it – it’s often the difference between a pixie cut and long luscious locks, so there’s no playing around. Pour Coke over the area tangled in gum, let it sit for a few minutes, and then begin to pull out.

Pot Cleaner

The bottom of household pots often become blackened. Pour Coke into your pots, letting it sit for a bit, and then washing the pots as normal with special attention to the discolored areas. The Coke will remove the grime and release the shine!

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Toilet Cleaner

For the rusty and moldy nooks and crannies, add a can of Coke into the mix to help hasten the cleaning process. No one wants to spend more than the minimum cleaning the toilet, so consider Coke your new best cleaning mate.

Clothing Stain Remover

Pour Coke right on top of a stain and let it soak. The stain will slightly discolor, but after you throw the apparel into the wash, it will come out clean.

Lawn Improvement

Flat Coca-Cola is an effective gardening tool. Simply add one can per week to a compost bin to give microorganisms a boost. They will feed on the Coke, improving their strength and health.

Stomach Soother

Balance the pH levels in the stomach. Coke will temporarily relieve indigestion, heartburn, and other stomach-related pain.

Bugs and Wasps Deterrent

Distract outdoor bugs and wasps from the party by isolating a few topless cups of Coke away from the main event. The bugs are attracted to the Coke’s sweet aroma.

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Bug Killer

Even though bugs are drawn to Coke, once they venture into the liquid, they meet their demise. If you want to get rid of an ant hill destroying your patio or rid roaches from cabinets and nooks in the attic or basement, spray bugs with Coke.

Hair Dye Fader

Wash your hair with Coke to help fade a dye that may have been layered on too thick or dark for your liking.

Paper Ager

If you want to give documents a more authentic look, soak them in coke for 10 minutes, remove them carefully, and allow them to dry. The papers’ browned look will fool anyone into thinking their antiquated.

Explosion Maker

Mentos + Coke = Explosion. See for yourself.

Please note that the above post was taken from this website